TODAY I GOT UPSET

I just finished watching a documentary on Barry Goldwater. I hadn't realized that conservatives had used to be people who were trying to prevent government from interfering with the people's liberty.

What happened?

I'm actually getting really scared. I hope people start to wake up soon. The United States is not supposed to condone torture. The United States is supposed to be a democracy, not a theocracy.

It really makes me not want to live here.

CRACKS ME UP

This gets funnier and funnier as it goes on.

JUST WHAT JESUS NEEDS

An ATM!

THE ONLY REASON I EVER GOT DETENTION

This could have been lifted from out of my childhood.

SILLY, BUT WORTH LINKING TO

http://www.everything2.com/index.pl?node_id=1006624&lastnode_id=0

?

http://www.newbirth.org/

I'M SURE THIS IS VERY SNOBBY BUT I DON'T CARE

I'm depressed. I'm depressed because although I am very happy with what I am doing, I am really not accomplishing much and I feel very unimpressive.

All of my friends do impressive things like go to elite universities or get doctorates. I am smarter than most of them, and I am at least as smart as all of them, so I am upset because I don't have a doctorate too.

Now no one will ever know that I am smart. Everyone will just think I am dumb because I don't have a doctorate, and I like my teaching job, but I don't like playing the cello enough to practice it, and I don't know what I was thinking when I decided to pursue the cello as a career, because out of all my interests, that's the one that motivates me the least. I would rather eat shit than pursue an advanced degree in music.

So I chose a career that I'm not motivated to improve in, so I'm not improving, and since I don't want to change jobs, it would be unbelievably wasteful to get a doctorate in some random subject just so people would know that I am actually smart. It wouldn't even be hard to get the doctorate. It would just be expensive and I don't want to pay for it, especially since I never have any money.

But I still feel like a complete loser, and I probably always will.

GOOD ARTICLE

http://www.netscape.com/viewstory/2006/09/24/-oped-why-we-will-never-see-democracy-in-the-middle-east-resubmitted/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fpolitics.netscape.com%2Fstory%2F2006%2F09%2F21%2Foped-why-we-will-never-see-democracy-in-the-middle-east&frame=true

This is a really good article. I hope the link works.

HOW DUMB CAN YOU GET?

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/14990383/

Ok... so you have a group of people that start violent protests over cartoons. It just doesn't seem worth it to risk provoking them just in order to sell cars.

Not a good idea.

TRIP AND STUPID MORNING

This weekend I went on a trip to visit my grandmother in Pennsylvania. It was a pretty good trip. My brother and I did the second half of a taped interview of my grandmother, which went very well. Some of it was profound, like when she was talking about loving one another, and giving her advice on how to live life. On the other hand, some of it was just funny. We asked her what the greatest invention of the entire 20th century was, and she immediately replied with great enthusiasm, "the safety pin!" She also gave some great anecdotes about my grandfather, now deceased, who had interesting habits (he would bark at children in the grocery store just to see what they would do, and yell at cashiers, and stay out all night drinking). The thing I found most surprising was that she hadn't been very enthusiastic about marrying my grandfather- she told us that she kept trying to break up with him, but he seemed not to understand what she meant, so she married him anyway.

There were two bad things about the trip. Sacky didn't go, and I missed him because we never see each other with his work schedule. Also, I didn't get enough of a break. My kid woke up many times during the night, and now I don't feel good. I'm not sure if I'm sick or dehyrated, but either way, I'm staying home from work today.

On the way home, our van broke. We managed to get it home but had to immediately drop it off at the dealership to be repaired. This is bad because my car is also in horrible shape and Sacky thinks that a wheel may fall off of it at any time. I am inclined to believe him. If it rains, it swerves in and out of the correct lane BY ITSELF with no help from the operator of the vehicle. This is sort of scary with a baby in the car.

So, due to the car problems, I had to drive Sacky to work this morning. I got sick (or dehydrated) in the car, so the ride back was unpleasant. It was made more unpleasant when I got a call at 9:17 from the student I was supposed to teach at 9:00- I forgot about them entirely in the confusion. So they asked if I could see them tomorrow instead, and I said yes, forgetting about the fact that I have Pilates and yoga tomorrow. So I might just move them again, but that won't look good at all.

Then, at 12:35, the student I had been supposed to see at 1:15 called, and I had to explain that although I had told her that my husband would be home to watch the baby, he really wouldn't be, because his work was not doing what they said, and she would have to wait 2 more weeks, and I hadn't called her because I hadn't bothered to take down her number, sorry about that.
I don't think she was very happy but luckily at the time I was too sick to care.

So I had a good trip but a stupid morning. I drank a half gallon of water, followed by a half gallon of decaf iced tea, and now I am mostly better. So maybe I will try to clean my house this evening since I already cancelled all my lessons. That would make it all worth it, if I could make a dent in this mess.

CRAPPY WEEK

Here is a list of stuff that has happened to me so far today.

1. Woke up. Didn't feel good. Called pediatrician to ask about my kid's runny nose. They think I am stupid for being concerned about a runny nose.

2. Discovered I had forgotten to make Sacky's sandwich.

3. Discovered Sacky had left 8 oz. of breastmilk in the diaper bag the previous evening, now spoiled.

4. Made unnecessary emotional phone call to Sacky.

5. Went to YMCA. Was immediately criticized by non-breastfeeding lady for not dressing my child warmly enough. This would not have upset me, except that she was definitely right.

6. Lifted weights. Swam.

7. Went to pick up my kid. Non-breastfeeding lady has pulled up my child's socks to his knees to cover for my poor baby-dressing stills. Non-breastfeeding lady sprays sanitizer all over the room while my kid is still in it. I figured this was ok though, because my kid was still so stuffed up that he probably didn't inhale any of it.

8. Went to Chick-Fil-A. Had to go in because baby was screaming. Felt that everyone was staring at my inadequately clad offspring.

9. Got back in car. Wasn't speeding. Got pulled over.

10. Police officer informs me that my tags are expired. I am surprised, since I do an excellent job of ignoring most mail that arrives at my house.

11. I ask police officer for permission to give my screaming baby a pacifier. He won't let me.

12. Police officer returns to my window and informs me that my license is suspended because of some ancient ticket that I also ignored and don't remember getting. Red light camera in Baltimore.

13. Police officer gives me two tickets- one for $60 and one for a mandatory court appearance. I am very angry about the second one. He tells me that the reason that I didn't get a notice to renew my tags (not that it would have mattered anyway) was because I never did my emission inspection.

14. Police officer tells me that I may not drive home. I have to have someone pick me up. I explain that I don't have anyone to pick me up, so what am I supposed to do? This conversation continues for a while until he finally just tells me that he only has to say that to cover himself, but I can do whatever at my own risk. I guess most people would have figured that out on their own.

15. I start driving to the MVA. I make another emotional phone call to Sacky.

16. I forget to go to the bank so I have to turn around.

17. I try to find the emissions place. I can't. Someone starts tailgating because they think I'm going too slow. They honk. So I honk back and give them the finger. Then I immediately start to worry that perhaps they weren't honking to be rude, maybe it was someone I knew and they were just honking to be friendly...I think of the time that someone cut me off and I laid on my horn for about a minute straight and it turned out to be some confused old guy...I am near tears because of what a mean person I am.

18. I finally find the emissions place after about a half hour of wandering. I give them my Paypal card. My card is declined. This makes no sense because I have just been to the bank and so I know that there is over $1000 in that account. I write a check instead for the $14. They give me a reciept saying that they have waived the $140 late fee. I am grateful.

19. I go to the MVA to fix the problem with my tags. On the way I call the urologist to cancel my appointment for the next day, using the excuse of "car problems" rather than the real excuse of "would rather go to my swim lesson since the two conflict."

20. I wait in line for nearly 45 minutes at the MVA. Several people in front of me is a blond woman who wants to sell her car to someone else, except that she doesn't own her car, her son does, and no amount of slow, careful explaining can get her to understand that she needs the title signed by whoever owns the car, to be able to sell it. A group of teenagers behind me begin making fun of the woman because the clerk is speaking to her like she is in third grade, and she still has no idea what is going on.

21. After waiting in line for these 45 minutes, I find out that I need to pay the ancient ticket before I can do anything about the tags. I share what I am thinking, which is an expletive, with the second clerk, and leave.

22. I cancel all my lessons for the evening because I still have a headache and I am too angry to teach. I offer all of them the opportunity to come to my house; all but one decline.

23. I drive up my driveway, which some company ripped to shreds about a week ago, and has not yet repaved.

24. I check my email, while holding my child, who enthusiastically beats the shit out of a Doritos bag. I get an email about "your money, namby-pambical".

25. I write this blog entry, all with one finger.

I also should add that yesterday I discovered by accident at the chiropractor, who actually bothered to care enough to call for the results of a test he didn't even order, that the MRI the primary care physician ordered of my low back- the one that the primary care physician's office staff SPECIFICALLY told me was normal (only after I called them about 59569879769 times to ask about it)- this MRI revealed a disk protrusion that may, apparently, take years to heal. I have not yet made an irate phone call to the office, but I will.

AND

yesterday I found out that there are all sorts of problems with Sacky's job, resulting in a lot of scheduling difficulties and the need to put the baby in child care for much longer than I am comfortable with.

I hope the rest of this week goes better.

I finally did it. But not on purpose.

I farted in Pilates class. For years, I have been worrying that while I am doing all these ab exercises and leg lifts, I will fart and be very embarassed. Now it finally happened, and I didn't even care.

I don't think anyone noticed, but I will never know for sure.

Then I went to the Childwatch room to pick up my kid, and for some reason the lady who was holding him started explaining to me that she didn't breastfeed because she thought she didn't have enough milk for her baby, and I never know what to say when people start talking about how they didn't breastfeed, so I did what I usually do, and shared information.

The information that I shared was about how that wasn't true, because milk supply increases with the baby's appetite etc, which wasn't the right thing to say, but since I didn't know what to say, that was what I said. I need to figure out what to say to people when they have this conversation with me.

Then, as I was sitting there, some vapid girl of about six walked up next to me, and fixed her gaze upon my water bottle. I got a little nervous, since they had already told me that other children had been sucking on my kid's pacifier, and his toy elephant, so I asked her, "Are you looking at my water bottle?"

I had hoped she would notice the pronoun.

She didn't. She just picked up my water bottle and began, well, using it for its intended purpose.

I said, "You know, that is my water bottle, and I would rather you didn't drink from it."

Child continues sucking. So I forced it from her lips and went on my way. I was dumbfounded.

So I went home and put my water bottle in the dishwasher.

Worst Ride Ever

Well, this weekend I learned something. Do not, under any circumstances, attempt to use a bike trail on Labor Day.

The trail was jam-packed with slow-moving, oblivious people with nothing better to do than get in my way. There was a woman who had to stop riding her bike for a smoke break. There were countless groups of people just standing in the middle of the trail for no good reason. One couple just stopped short, not bothering to relocate to the ample grassy area right next to them, in order to unwrap a leash from around their poodle. This caused a total of 3 bikers, including myself, to have to stop short and clip out. I hate clipping out.

To make things worse, my diet for the morning had consisted of nothing but carbohydrates, so I was already low on energy. Finally, after about 5 miles, I managed to summon the energy to go a little faster, although as it turned out, this was a useless impulse.

Not 2 minutes had gone by before I saw Sacky swerve around and skid, and lo and behold, some girl on a tiny little bicycle appeared approximately two inches from my front wheel. So I screamed and somehow both of us avoided hitting her, but we were both pretty shaken up. As we rode away, I heard her explaining to her father, "Daddy, I squiggled."

No shit. Perhaps she should have considered that squiggling is not a good activity for when you are looking backwards.

We finally got to the Monkton Village Market, which had no standing room inside, then couldn't find a seat outside for a while. It was hard to walk around because little kids had stacked up bicycles in the parking lot, where they don't belong.

On the way back, since I had actually eaten, we did a little better, and kept it between 18 and 20 miles an hour for a few miles. Then I had to stop completely for a two year old to toddle across my path in a leisurely fashion to her parents who, for some reason I cannot fathom, were not on the same side of the trail as she was. Also

By this time I just gave up. Sacky had dropped me a while ago, having avoided the two year old. So I just pedaled my way little by little back to the van.

Then Sacky decided he needed to change his pants. He couldn't wait to change his pants until we got to the movie theater a few minutes down the road. He had to change them right then. So he did, right outside our van. I can't say I was much better, because I proceeded to use my breast pump while in the car.

We went to see Beerfest, which was good in the first half, and hysterical in the second.

By the time we got out I was completely slap-happy.

Sacky needed some underwear, so we went to Sears.

I hate shopping. I spent the entire time that we were in the store fighting a nearly uncontrollable urge to try running up the 'down' escalator to see if I could do it. I refrained, because there was a clerk right next to the 'down' escalator.

We finally finished, an interminable ten minutes later, and went to the register. I presented my credit card to the clerk, who gestured to the electronic thingy you slide yourself. I slid the card, and then calmly signed the electronic pad as "2 extra butts".

Nothing happened. I thought that the machine had frozen up because it knew that "2 extra butts" was not my real name. I thought for sure that finally, I was going to be caught at signing the wrong name to the credit card receipt, and I was going to have to explain myself, and that this was all going to occur for my best credit-card-reciept signature yet, because what could be funnier than explaining to the clerk at Sears why I had just written "2 extra butts" on my credit card receipt...

I just stood there and started to giggle. I just lost it standing there in front of the electronic signature thingy, and it was all for nothing, because as it turned out, the clerk just hadn't been paying attention, and hadn't hit his button or whatever he's supposed to hit to tell it to take my signature, and he NEVER EVEN LOOKED at my wonderful creation, and now I'm upset because I don't want to reuse it, but I don't think I'll ever come up with anything better as long as I live.

I giggled the whole way home. Actually, I'm still giggling as I write this.